Why oh why, do you make it so hard for me to love you? I do though, Jared, despite all your efforts to run me off. Maybe it’s because you are superhot, maybe it’s because you're a terrific actor, maybe it's because of 30 Seconds to Mars, which I love, love, LOVE...I think you get the idea.

Did I mention you were hot? You, fine sir, are C.R.A.Z.Y.H.O.T.

Plus, you’re a friend to the animals...
But despite your many numerous talents and a freakish ability to never age (is your middle name Dorian?), you still find it necessary to keep breaking my heart. You were easily the best thing in Alexander (well, you and Rosario) and your homoerotic, longing stares made even the prospect of Colin Farrell look good.
But then you go and do this...